By Sr. Doreen, SSJD.
Numbers 24:17 says, “There shall come forth a Star out of Jacob.” In Revelation 22:16-17 the Lord Jesus testifies, “I am the Root and the Offspring of David, the bright morning star. And the Spirit and the bride say, Come!”
Pondering my own journey in Advent and recalling Micah’s answer to what God requires of us “to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God”, I thought of the power that there is in the words ‘love mercy’. Friends, we are all aware of just how tense the world is at this moment. We are deeply divided, and we are bitterly broken. It seems to me that we are not making space for each other, being unwilling to engage in dialogue because we think there’s no possible value in the opinion of others or those who differ from us. Somehow, we have allowed ourselves to pick up the prevailing attitudes of the surrounding culture: don’t challenge our views and values. The end result is anger, pointing fingers, and disengagement, a shutdown leaving us more divided and broken. Into this, the words ‘love mercy’ begin to ring loudly for me.
How do we show empathy, even in the midst of disagreement? It has become an urgent longing on my Advent journey, a response to the loud ringing ‘love mercy’. I recall something in a dialogue between Melchior and another character in Norah Lofts book “How Far to Bethlehem”: “And I must leave at once” Melchior said. “But why? Why is there such haste?” Melchior replied: “Because of what I know. I fear that only I know this thing. There is a warning to be given. And not a moment to waste.” All of this was said in a most courteous way, and Gaspar skilled in concealing his own ignorance asked: “Where are you going?” The answer he got from Melchior was: “That I cannot tell you, because I am uncertain myself. This may sound strange to you, but it is fact. I have consulted a map, new and accurate, and I think I was bound for Jerusalem, or some place a little to the south of it. But I shall never get there. I have failed.” They continued their conversation, with Melchior explaining all that he had suffered on his journey, ridicule, robbery, exploitation – that seemingly everywhere strangers were exploited. He also knew that Gaspar had accepted him, someone so different and so poor. Gaspar had offered hospitality, reluctantly, and was someone of wealth and power. Being asked for help to continue, Gaspar, also a wise one who was used to marking the strengths and weaknesses of people and situations decides out of empathy to accompany Melchior, however many doubts he has about the journey.
There are many bible passages that also see empathy as key to solving our divided and broken situation. One such passage of scripture – 2 TIMOTHY 2:24 “A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. When someone disagrees with what you are saying, maintain a gracious, gentle, and patient attitude instead of becoming angry and defensive.”
Solving conflict takes humility, a desire to see peace more than personal victory. Empathy is not about us at all. It faces us with the challenge to seek first to understand, and then be understood. It is surrendering our own biases, opinions, and framework for how we interpret the world in order to understand the situation of someone else. I saw this inner struggle between Melchior and Gaspar. I have also experienced this same inner struggle in my own journey.
Solving conflict involves compromise, finding common ground that is bigger than any differences. If neither side is willing to take the initiative or show the necessary humility to seek common ground, all around us what we see is that conflict will result in a broken relationship or even war.
On our Advent journey, by taking up the challenge of ‘love mercy’, I believe there is the possibility that conflict can become the catalyst to greater understanding, intimacy, and depth of relationship. Without ‘love mercy’ however, there can only be either smoldering or outright anger, bitterness, and broken relationships. In my own experience, how we deal with conflict will literally shape the direction of our life.
After pondering some of the dialogue in Norah Lofts book, my own experiences, and the wisdom of others, I came up with some ways that might be helpful when trying to lead with empathy even when you disagree with others:
- Listen actively: Try to understand what the other person is saying, rather than just responding. Pay attention to their body language and tone of voice.
- Consider their perspective: Try to see things from their point of view. This can help you understand their challenges and goals.
- Be open to vulnerability: Share experiences or stories that make you able to relate to each other.
- Don’t judge: Avoid judging others based on their beliefs or assumptions.
- Ask open-ended questions: Create space for the other person to express themselves without fear or judgment.
- Don’t solve problems for others: Encourage them to find their own solutions.
- Practice gratitude: Gratitude can reduce aggression and enhance empathy.
- Examine your biases: Being aware of your own biases can help you empathize with others.
Empathy that ‘love mercy’ challenge can help I think in overcoming conflict and building understanding. It can also help create a positive and more trusting environment. It is the hard work challenge of little steps, of falling down, and getting up, again and again. All of us have made mistakes, have felt grief and heartache and felt lonely in it, been misunderstood or remorseful and need someone to listen. Love mercy, empathy, really cuts through our differences and zeros in on the one thing we all have in common: our humanity – our need of each other.
As we journey through Advent, we are being encouraged to look for common ground, while also acknowledging differences. We don’t necessarily have to agree with every perspective we come across. However, taking the time to simply listen with an open mind can help us see the humanity in people with different backgrounds or views.
In the book ‘The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse’ by Charlie Mackesy he writes: “They are all different, like us, and each has their weaknesses … I hope this encourages you, perhaps, to live courageously with more kindness for yourself and for others. And to ask for help when you need it, which is always a brave thing to do … and as the horse says, the truth is everyone is winging it.”
