Sister Doreen’s Reflections
Ezekiel 18:31 “Rid yourself of your offences, and get yourselves a new heart and a new spirit.”
Ezekiel 36:26 “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your body and give you a heart of flesh.”
2 Cor. 5:17-18 “And for anyone who is in Christ, there is a new creation. The old order has passed away; now everything is new. All of this is from God, who ransomed us through Christ – and made us ministers of that reconciliation.”
On my heart meditations journey many years ago I kept before me as I traveled the exodus story with the Israelites’ God’s promise that they would eventually arrive in the promised land. But I also discovered that arriving at the promised land was something that happens many times in life! It was not a once in a lifetime event – a whew, I made it and can stop now!
On my journey I began to realize that not just my own recovery but there was a truth for all of life, all the seasons of our spiritual life – that the way out was the way in, the way through. I know that my own experience after heart surgery and the journey back to wholeness was a gift – an opportunity from God to continue my journey with God but to go deeper. All the questions I had “what does it mean, can I do this? How will I do it? I am afraid, will it hurt and what if I miss it or make mistakes?” In spite of the many questions and the fear, I knew that it was an invitation from God to go deeper into the heart of God, and I knew I must go! What I discovered also was that committing myself to the journey also was an invitation into the heart of myself.
The Song of the Dragon – Joyce Rupp (Dear Heart Come Home) really was my song also:
Dragon:
Come, come into the Cave. Come, come into the Dark.
Come, come into the unknown. Come, come into the Cave.
Child:
But I, I am afraid. But I, I will be alone. But I don’t know the way.
But I, I have no maps. But I , I may never get out. But I, I am so responsible.
But I, I need security. But I, I cannot let go. But I, I might look stupid.
But I, I need to make money. But I, I’ve always looked good. But I, I might get hurt.
But I, I want to be successful. But I, I ‘ll never do it right. But I, I’ll seem foolish and crazy.
BUT I, I KNOW I MUST GO.
Looking back now, I understand more fully Joyce Rupp’s Dragon Song and the Cave. It was C.G. Jung who said, “The Cave is the place of rebirth, that secret cavity in which one is shut up in order to be incubated and renewed.” I wanted a new heart … and discovered in the desert what I would always need to let go, give up control, in order that my heart of stone could be reborn into a new heart of flesh. I had already known many seasons in my life, my spiritual life, however this was, perhaps, at the time (heart attacks and open-heart surgery) the most ‘dramatic’ of God’s reminders that there were gifts waiting to me to discover in my wilderness journey. Each success saw an open door into the promised land, each failure was an opportunity to get back up and begin again. Every time the door was open: whether I was up or had fallen down. Now I see at a deeper level the wisdom and can smile in trust at TS Elliot’s quote from one of his poems “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” Pondering a new heart was discovering the gift of a new kind of understanding, a gift of reunion, of being able to live with compromise, contradiction, and paradox – the desire of joining things, people, situations together: the gift of empathy and appreciation, of reconciliation. It brings with it a gift of hope.
Like Elijah (1 Kings19:9) I heard God asking me the same question “Doreen, what are you doing here?” And when all the excuses I had were used up, I knew that it was not in the fire, the wind or the earthquake but in the still small voice of silence that I stood face to face with God who calls me over and over again to come home, to enter the promised land that flows with the milk and honey of God’s unconditional and tenacious love. God my guide and my friend.
A new heart – looking back I know also today – that it has to do with the changing of my heart, befriending what will always be a part of me – my personal imitations and weaknesses, getting rid of unhealthy attitudes, behaviours, and brittleness: and being willing to do this over and over again – a real conversion to accepting that I will always have limitations and weaknesses. I know that a stone with a flaw, a crack, becomes a diamond! I know I am a diamond in God’s eyes, precious beyond price – a flawed one, a great little one. I can be at home with myself, be gentle with myself, and this perhaps will also make me gentler with all those around me.
A “new heart” and a “new spirit” are one and the same; that is, a renewed one; renewed by the Spirit and grace of God; in which a new value of life is put; new light is infused; a new will, filled with new purposes and resolutions; where new affections are placed, and new desires are formed; and where there is a new way of looking at myself and others, God’s gift and my continuing openness to transformation …
I would like to share a simple song, one that I sing over and over again as a prayer or mantra chant now when I ponder my longing for a new heart. It is from the hymn book ‘Sing a New Creation’ Anglican Church of Canada: words by Alison Adam; music by John Bell – hymn #140
“Create within me a new clean heart, O God: place at my centre a new and right spirit.
Since you want truth in my innermost being, teach me your wisdom in my secret heart.”
And I would like to close this reflection with two hymns:
Source: Common Praise hymn book, Anglican Church of Canada #529:
God, my hope on you is founded; you my faith and trust renew:
Through all change and chance, you guide me, only good and only true.
God unknown, you alone, call my heart to be your own.
Human pride and earthly glory, sword and crown, betray our trust.
Though with care and toil we build them, tower and temple turn to dust.
But your power, hour by hour, is my temple and my tower.
Daily does the almighty Giver bounteous gifts on us bestow.
God’s desire for us delights us, pleasure leads us where we go.
Here at hand, love takes stand, joy awaits God’s sure command.
Still from earth to God eternal sacrifice of praise be done,
High above all praises praising for the gift of Christ the Son.
Christ you call one and all; those who follow shall not fall.
Source: Sing a New Creation Anglican Church of Canada hymn #83:
Though hope desert my heart, though strangeness fill my soul
Though truth torment my troubled mind, you have been here before
Though confidence run dry, though weary flesh be sore,
Thought conversation bear no fruit, you have been here before
There is no threatening place, no trial I could know
Which has not known your presence first, you have been here before
In Christ who, on the cross, felt all our hurt and more
And cried in deep abandonment, you have been here before.
I will not dread the dark, the fate beyond control,
Nor fear what reigns in frightening things, you will be there before
