By Sister Kathryn, SSJD
I speak these words in the faith that the Spirit will enable you to hear and glean some wisdom for your own journey.
When I reflected in Lectio Divina on today’s readings what surfaced was the theme of people’s reactions of resentment and all the messiness it causes in relating to God and others when this is part of the emotional undercurrent.
For those who may not know my spiritual life, I have lived through a variety of intentional studies on various Christian denominations, spiritualities and world religions gleaning the thread that runs through them all about the human life and the divine. A large part of building my own spiritual vision was delving deeply into the mystical, monastic and prophetic writings. One in particular spoke to me in this reflection, that of the Orthodox approach to self-awareness. As a child I read fervently the Philokalia and still love the Jesus Prayer as a spiritual practice. I believe the Orthodox have a strong Lenten focus on Salvation that uses purification, illumination and union. I once read a talk by Bishop Kallistos of Xelon whose spiritual vision had three very simple points: Do not resent. Do not react. Keep Inner Stillness. If you Google this statement you will find many reflections on this deep and meaningful vision and found detailed in a document from the Monastery of St. John of which I only briefly touch upon in this reflection.
I think Ezekiel today could have related the same points in his efforts, as an archetypal perennial reluctant prophet, to the reaction of Israel to God’s edification of their spiritual life. We hear it again in the last two verses of Psalm 123 “We had had more than enough of contempt. Too much of the scorn of the indolent rich and derision of the proud” And again in the gospel of Mark 6 where the people who knew of Jesus were quick to resent his prophetic voice. If Jesus is derided what hope do we have?
I am not professing to having dealt with resentments in life myself but I am aware whenever my reactions are on the superficial level and my ego pride feels slighted, then need to return to stillness and silence (for these two deeply are linked). I have my own thorn in my side as did Saint Paul that I bring to God.
We resent when the newcomer has ideas that we had not thought of or seems quite capable of a task that we only stumble through. Or someone you have known for years and your reaction is like the saying: “familiarity breeding contempt”. When did you stop listening to them and now disrespect them? Words like Jesus spoke when all they could see was the carpenter’s son. What is it in our nature that makes that quick reaction from all the inner turmoil, in our lives, hearts and souls. That turmoil comes from both past and present resentments or self-justifications when we remember wrongs. It is pride that makes us hold on to our justifications and continued anger against others and even against God. Even in the worst cases of abuse we hold out hoping for them to ask for our forgiveness, but we cannot wait for that. Holding onto our resentments seeps and permeates our cells and makes us ill, darkens our thoughts and impacts the purity of our true soul.
Do not resent was the Bishop’s first spiritual principle the second is learning not to react. When somebody says or does something hurtful, what is being hurt? Again with the caveat against abusers who should never be given a free ride and the victims need for justice. But outside of the worst cases what is typically hurt is our ego or false self. I always consider hurtful words directed at me by first thinking, “Is it true?” and if I can honestly say no, the next step is “What is happening right now for us both?” Have I triggered an old hurt that has nothing to do with the present, or is the hurt my own?
The third principal is to keep inner stillness. When I hear this it is as though Jesus is calling and pleading with me to not lose my equilibrium. Especially to not let someone who has no concept of who I am as a person and maybe not even caring or wanting to know. So how can their words or actions be of any weight?
These resentments build up over years and it is a worthwhile exercise during your daily, monthly or annual Examen noting as many of these resentments as you can and then look at how you react from these slights. This bitterness leads us nowhere except to bitterness and unhappiness to quote Bishop Kallistos.
God sent Ezekiel to speak to a difficult audience made even worse because their rebellion was against God. I imagine a gentle smile on Jesus’ face when he heard the known detractors of his message. I have often found that the sphere Jesus is experiencing will speak to the same sphere we are experiencing right now in our own lives. Do we have difficult audiences in those we know well or those we have only just met? What it takes is time to remove your shoes and enter the Holy Ground in a mind-altering humility to feel the desert sand under your feet, and in silence and stillness listen to what the message is saying to you right now. What illumination you may find that brings a deeper self-awareness for you right now and what it is asking you to consider in your life. May the Spirit continue to guide your journeys. Amen.
