By Sister Doreen, SSJD
As I looked at this picture of my nephew Mark and his son Nolan, I found myself thinking of how important it is to be able to share life with someone who has walked through the path of life before us, someone whose hindsight can become someone else’s foresight.
The picture became an icon for me – a real-life icon – of the discipleship of our elders.
Journeying through life for all of us, young and old, can sometimes seem a very lonely one, confusing and disturbing as we try to find our way through what seems like a myriad of expectations, paradoxes and contradictions. The gift of walking with someone – a trusted elder, parent, spouse, or friend – and also the gift of being surrounded by a community – a family, a friendship circle, faith community … . In this picture, Nolan has found his anam cara in his Daddy, a close and loving bond of trust and companionship – though in a very real sense they may not be aware of the term – they are soul friends, someone they can share their journey through life with, some one who will listen, sometimes challenge or confront you – all for your own good.
As an icon, this picture became an example of how important it is to walk with a friend on our journey through life, someone who could hold up a mirror for us in our searching so that we might be able to see something of our heart’s movement, able to discern the ways that God seemed to be drawing us. It reminded me of a quotation by Kenneth Leech, an English Anglican Priest who died some years ago: “The spiritual world is not universally benign, and it is possible to lose one’s path and flounder. Hence the importance of solidarity with those who have trodden the path before us.”
I also found myself pondering scripture and the many examples of this walking with a friend. Elijah and Elisha, Moses and Aaron, Mary and Elizabeth, Ruth and Naomi … and I am sure that you each will have your own examples that have been meaningful to you. The story of the disciples on the road to Emmaus and all the liturgical scripture stories during the 50 days of Easter are also examples of deep sharing and holy listening that seek to illustrate for us the value and importance of companionship on our journey in life.
This is a pondering of walking with a friend as a follower, a student, an apprentice, one who learns by imitating a master. As I looked at this photo, I thought of the discipleship of the elders, someone who has been a follower, a student, an apprentice throughout their life, and whose ongoing learning becomes wisdom for others. For us today, living in times of uncertainty and stress and tension, we look for people like us, people who are close at hand, who have lived well through situations similar to our own. They become reassuring people, signalling that we too in our smallness can stretch ourselves to the limits of the best in us. We can call them by many names – role models, icons, stars, hero’s – elders or anam cara’s. We see in them people so influenced by an inner goodness that they give us a glimpse of the face of God in each other and a hint of the possibilities of greatness in ourselves.
It also means that as time goes on as we walk with our own elders or anam cara, we will be sent out to accompany others, who will in turn accompany others in their journey through life. Walking with a friend, a soul friend on our life’s journey, is a spiritual journey of growing into more of ourselves, more open and caring to those around us, more sensitive to the inherent values of goodness in the world around us.
In his book “We Make the Road by Walking” Brian McLaren writes: “That doesn’t mean we are perfect – just look at Peter who denied that he knew Jesus, not once but three times. But it does mean we are growing and learning, always humble and willing to get up again after we fall, always moving forward on the road we are walking. As Jesus modeled never-ending learning and growth for us, we will model it for others, who will model it for still others.” Not all those who point the way for us are perfect – perfection is, in my mind, an illusion, an illusion that we find hard to accept, hard to believe and hard to come to terms with and get over! What we see instead in those whom we look up to as role models or anam cara’s is someone who is faithful. They may shine in their holy cause but be very awkward or hard to live with in their personal lives. They are just as confused at times as we are. They, like ourselves, struggle from time to time with themselves. They are both strong and weak, great little ones as each of us are. It is their faithfulness that holds a fire in their hearts that lights a way for others. It is this that we see.
We all need mentors, someone who is available, who offers freedom and affirmation, someone who offers love no matter what, gives permission, who are passionate about supporting others by sharing their knowledge, expertise and experience, and willing to offer valuable ideas and advice when appropriate. In Charles Mackesy’s book “The Boy, the Mole, The Fox, and the Horse” in their conversations with each other they offer the following to ponder: “We don’t need to know about tomorrow said the horse, all we need to know is that we love each other. Always remember you matter, you’re important, and you’re loved, and you bring to this world things no one else can.” There is nothing more satisfying than having someone believe in us.
Pondering my own anam cara’s through out my own spiritual journey, and also keenly aware of the knowledge that many feel a need and a hunger to deepen their life, become more of themselves, to deepen relationships with others, with the world, and with God, so I began to think of how we seek out someone to help us on our journey in life on a regular basis. I have used the word anam cara, soul friend: this can also be a spiritual discipline, often referred also as seeking spiritual direction or companionship.
In a brochure called Spiritual Direction at St. John’s Convent I share the following: “Many of us feel a need and a hunger to deepen our relationship with God and seek someone to help us on our Christian journey, to help us articulate, search out and trust our questions. Who are we in our relationship with God? How do we pray? How do we live out our faith? What do we do when we feel we have fallen short of the “more” that God desires for us? These are some of the questions we may bring to spiritual direction. Often called spiritual companionship, this ministry is an ancient tradition within the Church. In today’s individualistic and secularized western culture, more and more people are feeling a need for such companionship to help them satisfy that profound but unarticulated yearning for a deeper relationship with God that is so much a part of our humanity.
Those offering spiritual companionship seek to help those they accompany to know the unconditional love and forgiveness of God, and to appreciate the activity of God in their life. The prayerful support of a trusted spiritual companion who cares about us, but wants nothing from us, can set us free to know ourselves better as we reach out to grow in our relationship with God. Telling the story of our lives, in a prayerful atmosphere with a trusted companion, helps us to recognize where and how God has been and continues to be present and active in that story. As we reflect upon God’s activity in our life, and allow the spirit of God to shape us in the image of Christ through the ordinary events of everyday life, so we grow in discernment.” Whether we make it a formal spiritual practice or we make the time and space to walk with a soul friend, I believe that it is as Kenneth Leech said: “The spiritual world is not universally benign, and it is possible to lose one’s path and flounder. Hence the importance of solidarity with those who have trodden the path before us.” There is wisdom, deep wisdom in walking with a friend on our journey through life.
I share a hymn to ponder: Common Praise, Anglican Church of Canada #482:
Come and journey with a Saviour who has called us from our birth,
who has washed us in the waters, and who loved us on the earth.
Come and journey, come and journey with a Saviour who has come.
We are all God’s sons and daughters; in the Spirit we are one.
Come and journey, journey inward, come and seek him deep within,
where he meets us in our living, in our striving and our sin.
Come and journey, come and journey with a Saviour who has come.
We are all God’s sons and daughters; in the Spirit we are one.
Come and journey, journey outward, telling others of his name,
telling others of his glory, of his cross and of the shame.
Come and journey, come and journey with a Saviour who has come.
We are all God’s sons and daughters; in the Spirit we are one.
Come and journey, journey outward, where that cross calls us to care,
where injustice and where hunger and the poor call us to share.
Come and journey, come and journey with a Saviour who has come.
We are all God’s sons and daughters; in the Spirit we are one.
Come and journey, journey upward. Sing his praises, offer prayer.
In the storm and in the stillness find his presence everywhere.
Come and journey, come and journey with a Saviour who has come.
We are all God’s sons and daughters; in the Spirit we are one.
Come and journey, journey onward; all our gifts we now shall bring
to the building of a city that is holy, Christ its King.
Come and journey, come and journey with a Saviour who has come.
We are all God’s sons and daughters; in the Spirit we are one.
Yes! Yes! “Arise shine for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord is risen upon you.” Isaiah 60:1.